The Late Review Movie Blog

The Late Review

By the time you read this, you'll already have seen countless reviews of the movies I blog about. In fact, you'll probably have seen the movie and have your own opinion. The review is late for the one of the following reasons:

1. I'm slow.
2. I'm lazy.
3. I'm married with a child and I now get to go to the movies 6 or 7 times a year so most reviews of "new" movies are in fact of movies that have just come out on DVD.
4. All of the above.

Alright, the answer's 4.

You also won't see reviews of movies that I don't fancy watching. I'm not Mark Kermode, I don't do this for a living so I don't have to sit through any movie that I don't like the look of, unless my wife makes me. My blog, my rules. Therefore, you probably won't see any reviews of the following:

1. The Notebook or any other movies based on books by Nicholas Sparks. (Actually, yes you will. My wife made me watch The Notebook. Twice. It's awful. Avoid at all costs.)

2. Anything starring Adam Sandler.

3. Anything starring Steven Seagal since the mid 90's.

4. Anything starring Steven Seagal before the mid 90's. (Basically, Executive Decision and Under Siege are OK. The rest are crap.)

5. Musicals. Boooorrring! Apart from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

6. Twilight. Never seen any of them as I am not a teenage girl. No intention of ever watching any of them, unless my wife makes me.

6. Horror movies. Well, maybe a few, but most are dull...

7. Anything made before 1950. The old-fashioned acting gets on my nerves.

Like I say, my blog, my rules. If you need a review of Twilight: Full Moon, try IMDb.

My reviews will inevitably follow my tastes. I don't have a favourite film, but I can give you a list of movies that I love. I shamelessly enjoy blockbusters provided they are well made. I can drone on about James Bond or Star Wars forever, although not uncritically (TPM, I'm looking at you). My favourite films list will try not to repeat itself too much, by which I means I won't list more than one film in a series or by the same director if I can avoid it. Therefore, in no particular order, my favourite films are:

A Bridge Too Far - a great, great movie, best thing Richard Attenborough ever directed, including Gandhi.

Battle of Britain - wonderful film and surprisingly historically accurate if you can overlook the dearth of Hurricanes. Directed by Guy Hamilton who also directed...

Force 10 from Navarone - I know I said I wouldn't list movies by the same director, but I don't care, I love it. It was one of the first films I saw at the cinema and it has a permanent place in my heart (albeit that it does prove my theory that belated sequels are never any good, because it flopped).

Saving Private Ryan - yes another war film. What can I say, I'm a boy. Brutally good.

Jaws - In the words of Roberto Rodriguez "Way better than a fish movie has any right to be". I promise no more Spielberg movies. Apart from...

Always - No-one has seen this, but it's brilliant and way better than Ghost.

The Wild Geese - this blew my mind when I first saw it. I was 11. God knows how I persuaded my parents to let me stay up and watch it. They really don't make films like this anymore (movie makers, I mean, not my parents). I know they don’t because I’ve seen The A Team and Losers.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service - I know that this is not most people’s favourite, although the fan boys love it, and so does The Incredible Suit and Mark Kermode. It has so much in common with the Daniel Craig Casino Royale; a new Bond, a realistic plot after the excesses of the previous instalment (You Only Live Twice, Die Another Day), Bond falls in love, but she dies, almost no gadgets, Bond tries and fails to resign from the Secret Service and he drives an Aston Martin DBS. 

The Empire Strikes Back - easily the best of all the films. I saw in 1980 when I was 11 and had no taste. I hated it -  it seemed so different to Star Wars, but with age I have come to appreciate its awesomeness.

Lawrence of Arabia - of course.

The Right Stuff - if you haven’t seen it, do so immediately. No bucks, no Buck Rogers.

Die Hard - Simply the best action movie ever made. "Welcome to the party, pal!"

Aliens - the best thing James Cameron has ever made and for a budget of about £3.50 too. Jim, Jim, step away from the CGI machine.

The American President - Aaron Sorkin's dry run for The West Wing. Love it, love it, love it.

Notting Hill - best Richard Curtis film by far. 4 Weddings  is pretty good and I quite like Love Actually (if I can bring myself to overlook the liberal wet dream moment where PM Hugh Grant sticks it to President Billy Bob Thornton). And it’s not The Boat that Rocked, thank God.

The Three/Four Musketeers (the Oliver Reed & Michael York ones). Alright, I know that’s two films, but if the Salkinds can treat them as a single film, so can I.

The Paper - minor Ron Howard movie. Haven’t seen it for a while. God knows how it plays in the “We’re really shocked, we didn’t know tabloid hacks did this, honest we didn’t”) post News of the World world.

Armageddon. I know it's not fashionable to like Michael Bay movies, but I think it’s fun, and I do enjoy a bit of Apocalypse Porn. That's why I've seen 2012 twice.

... and so many more.

Least favourite film. That's easy. Southland Tales. Have you seen it? If not, don't. It's the worst load of pretentious tripe that I have ever had the misfortune to see.  I thought it would be like Strange Days. But it’s just strange and not in a good way.

And finally, my first review:

The Social Network - Yes, I know this came out ages ago, but I was given the Blu-ray by my sister for my birthday recently. I thought it was pretty good. More Fincheresque than Aaron Sorkin, but the dialogue was still dazzling. Who knows if Zuckerberg is that odd? Eduardo Savarin comes out of it as the victim, the Winklevii less so. I probably need to let it mature in my mind a little more before I come to a final opinion, but in the meantime... Like.