The Late Review Movie Blog

The Late Review

By the time you read this, you'll already have seen countless reviews of the movies I blog about. In fact, you'll probably have seen the movie and have your own opinion. The review is late for the one of the following reasons:

1. I'm slow.
2. I'm lazy.
3. I'm married with a child and I now get to go to the movies 6 or 7 times a year so most reviews of "new" movies are in fact of movies that have just come out on DVD.
4. All of the above.

Alright, the answer's 4.

You also won't see reviews of movies that I don't fancy watching. I'm not Mark Kermode, I don't do this for a living so I don't have to sit through any movie that I don't like the look of, unless my wife makes me. My blog, my rules. Therefore, you probably won't see any reviews of the following:

1. The Notebook or any other movies based on books by Nicholas Sparks. (Actually, yes you will. My wife made me watch The Notebook. Twice. It's awful. Avoid at all costs.)

2. Anything starring Adam Sandler.

3. Anything starring Steven Seagal since the mid 90's.

4. Anything starring Steven Seagal before the mid 90's. (Basically, Executive Decision and Under Siege are OK. The rest are crap.)

5. Musicals. Boooorrring! Apart from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

6. Twilight. Never seen any of them as I am not a teenage girl. No intention of ever watching any of them, unless my wife makes me.

6. Horror movies. Well, maybe a few, but most are dull...

7. Anything made before 1950. The old-fashioned acting gets on my nerves.

Like I say, my blog, my rules. If you need a review of Twilight: Full Moon, try IMDb.

My reviews will inevitably follow my tastes. I don't have a favourite film, but I can give you a list of movies that I love. I shamelessly enjoy blockbusters provided they are well made. I can drone on about James Bond or Star Wars forever, although not uncritically (TPM, I'm looking at you). My favourite films list will try not to repeat itself too much, by which I means I won't list more than one film in a series or by the same director if I can avoid it. Therefore, in no particular order, my favourite films are:

A Bridge Too Far - a great, great movie, best thing Richard Attenborough ever directed, including Gandhi.

Battle of Britain - wonderful film and surprisingly historically accurate if you can overlook the dearth of Hurricanes. Directed by Guy Hamilton who also directed...

Force 10 from Navarone - I know I said I wouldn't list movies by the same director, but I don't care, I love it. It was one of the first films I saw at the cinema and it has a permanent place in my heart (albeit that it does prove my theory that belated sequels are never any good, because it flopped).

Saving Private Ryan - yes another war film. What can I say, I'm a boy. Brutally good.

Jaws - In the words of Roberto Rodriguez "Way better than a fish movie has any right to be". I promise no more Spielberg movies. Apart from...

Always - No-one has seen this, but it's brilliant and way better than Ghost.

The Wild Geese - this blew my mind when I first saw it. I was 11. God knows how I persuaded my parents to let me stay up and watch it. They really don't make films like this anymore (movie makers, I mean, not my parents). I know they don’t because I’ve seen The A Team and Losers.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service - I know that this is not most people’s favourite, although the fan boys love it, and so does The Incredible Suit and Mark Kermode. It has so much in common with the Daniel Craig Casino Royale; a new Bond, a realistic plot after the excesses of the previous instalment (You Only Live Twice, Die Another Day), Bond falls in love, but she dies, almost no gadgets, Bond tries and fails to resign from the Secret Service and he drives an Aston Martin DBS. 

The Empire Strikes Back - easily the best of all the films. I saw in 1980 when I was 11 and had no taste. I hated it -  it seemed so different to Star Wars, but with age I have come to appreciate its awesomeness.

Lawrence of Arabia - of course.

The Right Stuff - if you haven’t seen it, do so immediately. No bucks, no Buck Rogers.

Die Hard - Simply the best action movie ever made. "Welcome to the party, pal!"

Aliens - the best thing James Cameron has ever made and for a budget of about £3.50 too. Jim, Jim, step away from the CGI machine.

The American President - Aaron Sorkin's dry run for The West Wing. Love it, love it, love it.

Notting Hill - best Richard Curtis film by far. 4 Weddings  is pretty good and I quite like Love Actually (if I can bring myself to overlook the liberal wet dream moment where PM Hugh Grant sticks it to President Billy Bob Thornton). And it’s not The Boat that Rocked, thank God.

The Three/Four Musketeers (the Oliver Reed & Michael York ones). Alright, I know that’s two films, but if the Salkinds can treat them as a single film, so can I.

The Paper - minor Ron Howard movie. Haven’t seen it for a while. God knows how it plays in the “We’re really shocked, we didn’t know tabloid hacks did this, honest we didn’t”) post News of the World world.

Armageddon. I know it's not fashionable to like Michael Bay movies, but I think it’s fun, and I do enjoy a bit of Apocalypse Porn. That's why I've seen 2012 twice.

... and so many more.

Least favourite film. That's easy. Southland Tales. Have you seen it? If not, don't. It's the worst load of pretentious tripe that I have ever had the misfortune to see.  I thought it would be like Strange Days. But it’s just strange and not in a good way.

And finally, my first review:

The Social Network - Yes, I know this came out ages ago, but I was given the Blu-ray by my sister for my birthday recently. I thought it was pretty good. More Fincheresque than Aaron Sorkin, but the dialogue was still dazzling. Who knows if Zuckerberg is that odd? Eduardo Savarin comes out of it as the victim, the Winklevii less so. I probably need to let it mature in my mind a little more before I come to a final opinion, but in the meantime... Like.

John Grisham movies

The good Doctor K on wittertainment reviewing The Lincoln Lawyer has declared that he finds John Grisham "incredibly dull". However, he also admitted that he has never read any of his books; what he meant was that he finds the movie adaptations of Grisham books to be dull. Come on Mark, you can do better than that.

Now I suspect that Mark Kermode might feel that John Grisham books are just airport novels and therefore not very good. I think that's unfair. I doubt that Grisham will ever win the Mann Booker Prize, but his works are usually very entertaining with well written characters and genruine atmosphere. They aren't all brilliant (The Broker is very dull and The Associate needs a third act), but many of them are cracking reads. Mark is right on one score though - the movies aren't great.

The Firm (A weak * * *)The first adaptation of a John Grisham book. The book is great, all about an ambitious young lawyer temopted by the dark side whe he discovers that the firm he has just joined is a Mafia front. It struck a chord with me when I first read it, perhaps in part because I was a law student looking for a job in a law firm at the time. The movie, however, sucks. Tom Cruise is well-cast, but Sydey Pollack was at best a lack lustre director and junks most of the finrl third of the book, squeezing it in 15 minutes of tedious action.

The Pelican Brief
Grisham's third novel is fairly average. So is the movie.

The Client (
Joel Schumacher's first Grisham adaptation. It's a dull movie, based on a dull book about a young boy who witnesesses the death of a mafioio and who may or my not have been told a vitaol secret that will help nail a wise guy. Not one of Grisham'sbest books, nor is it one of Schumacher's best movies. Spawned a short-lived TV series.

A Time To Kill (* * * *)Scumacher's second try at Grisham. This is much better, starring Matthew McConnaughey as a small town southern lawyer who has to defned a black man, Samuel L Jackson, who has murdered the man who raped his young daughter. It's a great book, incredibly atmospsheric with echoes of To Kill A Mocking Bird. The movie is not quite that good, but it's not all bad. The one truly good Grisham movie.

The Chamber (* *)The second Gene Hackman Grisham movie (he was also in The Firm). The book is a very good thriller about a young lawyer who wants to act for his grandfather who's on Death Row for a racist murder during the sixties. The movie is dire, a totally squandered opportunity. Incredibly dull.

The Rainmaker ( * *)The book is very good, about a a young jobless lawyer who finds himself with a single client, a terminally ill man refused health cover by a greedy and unscrupulus insurance company. It's throughly enjoyable. The movie was directed by Fancis Coppolla, and starred Matt Damon, Danny De Vito, Danny Glover (as a judge - Hollywood judges are always black these days) and Roy Scheider. It's not very good. Coppolla has not directed anything good since Apocalypse Now.

The Runaway Jury (* * *)One of Grisham's more middling efforts. A failry midling movie too.

Christmas with the Kranks (based on Grisham's Skipping Christmas) (* *)Thi book is one of Grisham's attempts to broaden his range by writing something that isn't a legal thriller. The book is a reasonably enjoyable but quite lightweight tale of a man who decides not to celebrate Christmas. The movie is formulaic Hollywood stuff starring Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis and Dan Aykroyd (who I can only assume needed the money). It's bearable, but only if there's nothing else on TV that night.

The Gingerbread ManI haven't seen more than the first 20 minutes of this as Mrs A got bored and made me turn it off. It's an original work, based on a screen play by John Grisham and not a book. iMDB says that Grisham objected to swear words added by director Robert Altman and demanded that his name be taken off it. It's unfair to express view on a movie I haven't seen, but it didn't look great.

So, Mark, try reading The Firm, A Time To Kill, The Chamber and the Rainmaker. Don't let the movie versions put you off. You might also want to try reading some of Grisham's other better books which have not been adapted into movies:
The Street Lawyer
The Testament
A Painted House
The Summons
King of Torts
The Last Juror
The Confession

I promise you, they're good value for money.* *) (* * *)

Tamara Drewe

Bit of an oddity this. At first you think it's going to be a bog standard BritRomCom, but it doesn't work out that way. It gets very dark at the end and then wraps things up far too fast, but perhaps that's just as well as otherwise it would just be formulaic. Quite enjoyable, but not really up to Stephen Frears' usual standard and will perpetuate the image of England as being old fashioned and rural.

I suppose I ought to use some kind of grading system. I prefer the Empire Magazine system of stars, one to 5 (one ( * ) being awful, avoid and five ( * * * * * ) being brilliant). Anything 3 stars (* * *) or more is worth watching, anything two or less is a waste of time.

Tamara Drew: * * *

Why The Late Review?

Simple - because it's often going to be late. I have a wife and child and my visits to the cinema are rare these days. Therefore, many of the movies I will review (or rant about) will a have been released months ago, but I have only just got around to seeing because I had to wait for them to be released on DVD. If you want up to the date reviews, read Empire or listen to wittertainment.

I'm also going to only review movies that I can be bothered to watch so don't expect any reviews of the following:

1. Movies based on the works of Nicholas Sparkes. My wife made me watch The Notebook twice and it was even worse the second time. Sentimental garbage, never again.

2. Anything with Adam Sandler in it. He simply isn't funny.

3. Anything with Steven Seagal in it. The man looks like his brain hurts.

4. Anything to do with Twilight. Never seen one, never want to. I'm not a teenage girl and the appeal is lost on me.

5. Slasher movies. Snore.

6. Anything by Ken Loach.

7. or Mike Leigh. Life is Sweet? Life is too bloody short if you ask me.

8. Spoofs. Airplane was very funny. Everything since is dire, even the ones starring Leslie Nielsen.

9. Modern musicals. There hasn't been a decent movie musical since Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 

10. Disease movies (unless the disease leads to zombieism and the collapse of society in which case bring it on. If it's about someone with cancer, no thank you. Save it for True Movies on SKY)

What's my favourite movie? No idea, there are too many. Some of my faves are below. I've tried not to include too many movies by the same director or from the same series (not entirely successfully.) In no particular order:

Jaws

Roberto Rodriguez said that it was way better than any fish movie should be.

Force 10 from Navarone

Not a classic, but it's one of the first movies I ever saw at the cinema, so it's in. It's better than you think.

Battle of Britain

Same director (Guy Hamilton) as Force 10, but brilliant and quite historically accurate (apart from the lack of Hurricanes).

The Empire Strikes Back

Hated it as a child. Seemed so complex after Star Wars. The reasons why I hated it then are the reasons I love it now.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

Best Bond movie ever and surprisingly similar to the Daniel Craig Casino Royale; new Bond, realistic plot after mad excesses of previous instalment (You Only Live Twice/Die Another Day), Bond tries to resign, Bond falls in love, but she dies, very few gadgets and he drives an Aston Martin DBS.

The Wild Geese

I dare you not cry when Richard Burton machine guns Richard Harris.

Lawrence of Arabia.

Of course.

Die Hard

Of course.

Aliens

Of course. Made on a shoestring, something which Cameron has forgotten about.

The Dark Knight

Nolan manages to make Batman seem believable. Astonishingly good.

Gladiator

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” 

...and so many more. Bit blokey, I know, but my Blog, my rules.

Least favourite film? Southland Tales. I have never seen such a load of incoherent, pretentious crap in all my life.

My first Late Review is The Social Network. I'm a huge Aaron Sorkin fan. It's pretty good. I have a lot of sympathy for Eduardo Savarin, less so for the Winklevii. I enjoyed it a great deal, but I need to watch it again to come to a more comprehensive opinion.

Next review will be longer.